Rainbows are often seen after a rainstorm when the sun breaks through the clouds. Thunderstorms can be frightening and at times seem torrential. But how beautiful is it when you see a rainbow appear after that dreadful downpour? So beautiful and enlightening that many of us stop and stare in awe or even capture a picture to remember the harmony of that moment.
As a mother who hasn’t gone through a turmoil of chaos? Or felt like they were trying to gasp for fresh air through a shit storm?
Before you birth your child into this world you are preconceived to believe and think what motherhood looks like. Literally from the very beginning. There is this predetermined “correct” way to give birth, yet there are so many ways to bring a child into this world and so many ways to become a parent in this world. No one tells you about all the “colours “you are about to experience and I wish I had some notion about all the craziness I would feel.
As a mother, I’ve learned to embrace every single colour and not care about how other people perceive any of them. It’s you vs you- not you vs them. Remember that always. You are in competition with no one but yourself and striving to be better than no one then who you were yesterday. It is so defeating that most of us are not rooting for each other but instead of fighting or competing with one another. I love the quote by Clarissa Pinkola Estes when she says “When seeking guidance, don’t ever listen to the tiny-hearted. Be kind to them, heap them with blessing, cajole them, but do not follow their advice”. When entering into the abyss of motherhood you will have a thousand different opinions but please promise to follow your own intuition and heart. Every story is different and every story is beautiful. Moms and woman everywhere need to tribe together. Every mom group, entrepreneur group, heck basically all groups talk about “balance”. I wholeheartedly believe it’s next to impossible to achieve balance as a stay at home, working mom or any mom for that matter. Motherhood is chaos at times. Life is chaos and you have to take each sudden moment as it comes and adapts to that colour. I wish someone had told me about the unknown before. I wish someone had warned me that motherhood is not what it appears to be on paper.
So many images, books, movies you name it has this quintessential picture of what a family should appear to look like. I have the most wonderful daughter, however, in my circumstance I am no longer with her father but am with someone else. He may not have her by blood but their bond is undeniable and so special. We also have baby number two on the way and I couldn’t be more thrilled with our family the way it is. Although it took some time to come to terms and peace with leaving her father because of how it “looks”. Society paints these images and it is our job to create our own version of happiness, whatever that may be. I wish I had known that it is okay for everything not to go according to plan. Sometimes your family does not look like someone else’s and that is okay. I want to create conversation and break the stigma that things have to be a certain way to obtain happiness for a family. Not all family is by blood and I’ve grown up with this first hand.
Recently, I’ve been blessed enough to have so many inspiring moms come into my life. They have taught me diversity, acceptance, change, and courage. It has truly been an eye-opener learning and growing through this “unknown” territory of motherhood. Nearly three years later and the journey of redefining motherhood from how society painted it in my head is still an ongoing process. I challenge you to open your eyes a little wider, smile a little louder, pour your soul a little farther, hug tighter and look at what really is important.
The whole point of this blog is to know that motherhood comes in all colours and each colour shines bright in there own way. Love your littles unconditionally and that’s all that matters.
You can have it all on your terms and what works for you. Find your stillness because you are a badass mom the way you are. Moms everywhere have to rewrite the rules. We have to re-evaluate what it means to be a “good mom” or a “good family”. If people choose to judge us for doing that, we need to choose to not care.
Always at the end of our ordeals, there is a rainbow. There is always calm after the storm. Always clarity to the chaos. Somewhere over that rainbow, I promise you it’s shining for you mama.